I am going to begin with Emri's latest echo results since I have not updated the blog yet on what they were. Here is my facebook post after the echo.

"One of those days that we just don't know quite how to react. Emri's aorta grew 1 mm. Doesn't seem too significant...but it is disappointing. Because the aorta is getting bigger, Emri's aortic valve is now leaking along with her mitral and tricuspid valves. Mitral valve is now in the moderate category instead of mild. Thank you for all the prayers. God is sovereign. Its just tough to look at my sweet girl and know that there is something so serious going on inside of her constantly moving little body. Next echo is in a month at the NMF conference in LA with Dietz."

So there it is. More leaking, more growing, and quite a few more tears involuntarily falling down my cheeks.
I oftentimes begin to think too much---especially after appointments like the last. What if, what if, what if?? My body begins to react in ways I don't desire it to. I start to shake, my muscles tense up, my heart pounds, I begin to breathe wrong and my fingers get tingly, my stomach starts to hurt, I feel nauseated...and on it goes."God calm me," I pray so often. "God, this is in your hands, you had this all planned out already."

Emri's physical limitations  and extra equipment (walker, feeding tube, glasses, braces) are beginning to separate her from other kids her age. Emri and I have been going to Vacation Bible School this week and it has never been more clear to me that she is now looked at as "different." She walks around either on her knees or with her walker. She has a feed going half of the morning and consequently must haul around her feeding backpack. She has been asked about her tube, her walker, why she walks on her knees, why her fingers are so long, why she can't run...etc... all in 3 days. I know right now it hurts me more than her...but I am beginning to notice her put things together. When Emri got asked why her fingers were so long I noticed her glance at her fingers...the fingers she usually holds out proudly to show off her sparkly nail polish. She put out her hand to balance on another little girls shoulder and I saw the other little girl brush Emri's hand off quickly and look at her like she had done something wrong...other kids seem to be a little frightened of Emri...just don't know what to think. I knew it would happen...but I can't even tell you how much hurt I am experiencing as her mother realizing that it's starting...she starting to understand that she isn't like other kids. I am starting to notice that when Emri feels left out or insecure she starts acting out and not listening to me. She's hurting too, and it. kills. me. 

I have often thought of this trial as one that I am meant to count as joy as it says in James 1. But lately I can't help but think of all of the instances in the Bible where someone's child is sick or dying...the parents are always in desperation mode. The love a parent has for a child is such a deep, indescribable love...when the child is hurting, sick, dying, dead...the parents hurt seems to be beyond any other kind of hurt. It's just how it seems to always go. How do I count this trial as joy when it is on my little girls' behalf?? It seems beyond impossible to me...at least right now. I know I am growing in the Lord, I am confident that I am in a better position to help, talk to, and cry with other moms in a similar situation, and I know that I am learning to give up all control that I, for some odd reason, think I still have as mine. These are all good things...all steps in the right direction...but joy?

Emri has often been described as an old soul. She has had to deal with so much already and she understands more than she should. Lately she has been crying when we have to hook up her feed and give her medicine in the morning. Brett and I have had to explain to her that if we don't give her what she needs, her heart will get too big and she would have to go back to the hospital. I have begun explaining to her that she has marfan syndrome and it makes her body weak, but that God makes her strong. When she is practicing walking, she knows that God is helping her be strong. We have been teaching her songs to sing when she feels sad or scared. We want her to know songs like "Cast all my cares", "when I am afraid", and "Thy word", so that when she is in scary situations she will have the soothing and comforting words run through her mind. These are all things I wouldn't necessarily put as a priority with a kid lacking health concerns...but with Emri, all I can do as her mother is teach her to put her trust in God know that He will never leave her.

Here it is. I am in physical, emotional and spiritual pain...I am writing now because I need to. I am so stretched thin and so exhausted--but know it is temporary. I will forever proclaim my love for the Lord and I will never blame Him or shake an angry fist at Him because I KNOW that I deserve death as a sinful human being. I can always have joy in this...that this life, here on earth, will be over in the blink of an eye. Those who are justified and sanctified through Him will be glorified in heaven....and THAT will be pure, untainted JOY. There WILL be a day of NO more tears, no more pain, and no more fears. Nothing can put a smile on my face faster than imagining Emri, with no more marfans, RUNNING as fast as she can without her braces, SEEING the face of our Lord and Savior without her glasses, and standing to worship our BEAUTIFUL and MERCIFUL Savior without her walker. And I will be there with her. THIS, people, is what it's all about.  

 

Not always good news.

So let's start with the not-so-fun news. Last Friday, April 26, Emri went in for a routine lung and heart appointment at Seattle Children's. This was the first of both checkups since spine surgery in December. Emri's lungs look and sound terrific! This is something to celebrate as terrific lungs do not always go along with having marfan syndrome, especially with Emri's severity. We were doing cartwheels in our heads hearing the doctor say that her lungs just seem to be doing excellent. Another moment worthy of celebrating came when we found out that Emri is actually ON THE WEIGHT CURVE! Emri has NEVER been on the charts for weight...ever. She has always been the little arrow at the bottom of the chart indicating that she is below the 2% mark in the weight category. Now, we do know that Emri's rods and screws in her back weigh about 10 oz, and that her clothes added a smidgen of weight also...but hey...we'll take the 7% and run with it! As for height-Emri now joins those over 100%. She is one tall, skinny glass of fun! After meeting with  the pulmonologist, we met with nutrition to discuss Emri's tube feeding, and decided to cut one tube feeding out of Emri's "feeding regimen" in order to attempt more table food consumption. This was happy news for me and especially Emri because it means more freedom from the tube she has to push or carry around while playing throughout the day...(also less "DocMcStuffins" :). After the nutrition consult we headed to cardio for Emri's echo. We are so thankful that Emri has been so cooperative for every single echo she has gone through-she just lays there, so patiently, and lets the ultra sound technician do her/his thing. Just so glad that we have not had to take part in a sedated echo up to this point. I don't know many other near 3-year-olds that would just sit there and not move for 30-40 minutes. While the echo took place I happened to look up at the screen and catch a glimpse of a number that I was so hoping was not her aorta measurement. We headed to our "favorite" room when the echo was finished-the cardio consult room. This room holds so many memories...great ones and horrifying ones. We never know what sort of memory we will be making as we walk through those all-too-familiar doors. Our cardiologist came in shortly after we got there started the small talk of how Emri was doing in all the other areas of her life. After a few minutes I finally just said, "her aorta's bigger, isn't it?" "Yes...it seems to have grown." Another moment when my heart literally starts beating out of my chest, I feel like I can't swallow properly, immediately begin to sweat...etc... I glanced over at Emri---big smile of course, flirting with the doctor...so oblivious to the fact that we are talking about her serious heart condition. I just couldn't love that girl more. She's so much braver than I will ever be.
Emri's cardiologist promised to email Dietz to get his take on everything...we exchanged pleasantries, and left. There are always tears after these kind of devastating appointments..and thoughts...so so many thoughts. Bad thoughts, terrifying thoughts, shudder-worthy thoughts...And then comes the desire to hug my sweet baby girl and NEVER, EVER let go...ever. Once again...we are ceaselessly reminded of the fragility of our precious little Emri's life. "Bless my little girl, God...bless my sweet little girl." How many times have I prayed this prayer? It's always the prayer that comes when I have no choice but to hand it all over to God. He knows the desires of my heart...He has allowed me to love this girl as much as I do...He knows. "Just bless her God."
This morning I received an email from our dearly loved Dr. Dietz. He reassured me of the fact that this jump in Emri's aortic root measurement could definitely be from the stress of spinal surgery combined with the one or two days Emri missed her medication due to blood pressure issues during and after her surgery. He did say that he has seen this before accompanying surgery. Emri's aortic root has not reached "surgery zone" measurement-wise...but it has grown very quickly in a short period of time...which is an additional reason that surgery is sometimes performed on the aortic root. Dr. Dietz ordered an increase in Emri's irbesartan dosage and a repeat echo in two months, which we already have scheduled. If you are one of Emri's many prayer warriors, please ask our merciful Savior, if it is inside His will, that we have a stable report in two months. Dr. Dietz ended his email to me with, "I remain very hopeful, and so should you." Couldn't help but smile wide...all 15 times that I read it. "Thank you Lord for this reassuring piece of hope...it's all in YOUR hands and we know that...thank you."
Abe. Abe is 6 months old today!! Such a blessing of a little dude. This kid gets to be more fun every single day. He is SUCH a sweet, loving little (or huge actually) snuggler and brings our family so much joy! His smile melts my heart...It's so amazing how much I already love this kid. He is working on sitting up, and finds his way around a room weather it be by rolling or inch-worming---he's inventive that way. I am sure sitting and crawling will be here soon, but as of now, I am enjoying every second of him still being my baby boy. He also LOVES his sister-all she has to do is knee-walk past him and he lights up. Emri is also very fond of her little brother. She enjoys advocating for Abe by telling me things like, "Mom...Abee is too yiddle to say hi to you." And she says these things so matter-of-factly. Like, "Mom...common'..he's obviously still a baby." Emri always grows very concerned when Abe is upset and lets me know that I need to feed him, or that "he must just be tired and need to sweep a yiddle bit." I am trying to soak in every moment of this stage..my babies growing up together and becoming close siblings. It's just a precious time.
Next order of business. I got a 4-hour-a-week job at Brett's place of employment. JWR Design needed some help keeping up on their new website, facebook page, and blog and thought I might be interested in helping out. It is the perfect amount of time for me to take a little break from kid world and be involved in the grown-up world.
Also, we are SO close to digging the hole to start our house! It's pretty strange that we will officially be watching walls go up so soon! We have been enjoying the process of designing our next home and feel so blessed and only slightly overwhelmed at the prospect of having to make so many decisions in a very short amount of time. If I can get myself organized enough I will be posting pictures and updating facebook and this blog as our house goes up. Our lot is pictured down below.

Last bit of fun news...Emri has officially qualified for a therapy dog! We decided to apply for a therapy dog a few months ago to help Emri not only with physical tasks (open doors, turn on lights, pick up dropped objects, help her up if she falls, pull wheelchair if needed...etc) but also for emotional support as she grows older and more aware of her disease. We are waiting to be matched with a dog-which could take a bit because we need a dog calm enough not to knock Emri over. We are ok with waiting a while since we won't even be in our house until fall. We are so excited that this opportunity came up and that Emri will get to be a part of such an amazing program. It was also interesting to find out that at the Marfan conference this year, there is a new workshop titled, "Canines can help!" Brett and I look forward to attending this workshop.
I...I think that's it for now. I hope this finds you all well...and thank you once again to all of you who take the time to keep up on this blog and to those of you praying for our family. We serve an amazing God. ~Erin~

Here are some pictures of lately...

Well, I suppose it's HIGH TIME for a blog...seeing as we have been back in Washington now for over a month! We PRAISE GOD---our wonderful, gracious, healing, Savior---for how well Emri is recovering since surgery...a little over a month ago now. Here are the absolutely breathtaking before (1st two) and after (2nd two) pictures of Emri's back....still just blows my mind.

And here she is, before and after surgery...

We feel SO blessed to have our vibrant, creative, bubbly little Emri back in full force. Before surgery, Emri's main source of transportation came in the mode of crawling. Now, after surgery, crawling has become very awkward for her. Well, knowing Emri and her ability to adapt herself to the situation she has been given...we were not surprised to see her quickly master the art of knee walking. Walking in her walker has been a little more frustrating for her, as she is still adjusting to her new center of balance and 3+ inches of insta-height! We still see Emri's physical therapist once a week and are getting back to seeing her occupational therapist once a week now as well. Along with Emri's knee walking development has also come quite an impressive and often times hilarious new ability to speak. She has Brett and I laughing uncontrollably at times and becomes quite proud to know she is the sole source of our laughter. She makes up stories and songs, has serious and profound conversations with her dolls, and enjoys pretend-reading my Bible. This girl has quite the spirit and we know we are in for an exciting ride as she grows and gains more knowledge, vocabulary, and ability to speak her mind.


We are absolutely falling head over heals in love with our endearingly knick-named "baby Abee", or "Chunkins" according to my Dad:). He loves his food--something I am VERY thankful for, as eating has been a huge struggle for Emri. You just might be able to tell by his pictures that food is a passion of his...he is now a 16 or 17lb 3 month old. It won't be long before he passes up his 23lb (that includes 10 oz. of rods and screws) 2.5-year-old "big" sister. Abe has also become quite the smiler-flashing his wide-mouthed grin often. We are so thrilled to get to know our handsome dude better as he gets older and personality becomes more evident. We are truly BLESSED.

In other news...we're selling our Burlington house and moving to Lynden...yep...it's true. To speak pure truth...I wasn't thrilled about this decision as first, and I still have my hold-ups...but I am beginning to realize that there are many benefits and blessings involved in being close to Brett's work. Mornings are tough for me. Not only am I the complete opposite of a morning person, but I have two kids that require a ton of me from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep at night...and often-times I don't even get nights completely off! On therapy mornings, Brett has been able to run home for his lunch hour to help me get Emri's feedings and medication ready, change a few diapers (kids ALWAYS poop RIGHT before you are ready to get in the car) and even give me a break to eat something. Yes-not an ideal lunch hour for Brett...but a GREAT help for me and the kids..and he claims to enjoy it:) Where are we living in Lynden, you ask?? Well, presently we are residing in the Van Andels' beautiful basement...only the third basement we have lived in so far. BUT we are SO excited and BLESSED to announce that we, (along with some family members' help) are designing and building a house here, in Lynden. As you can imagine, Brett is in his HEAVEN, getting the opportunity to design a living space that he actually will get the privilege of enjoying. We feel completely spoiled and a little too young to receive such an opportunity. Since we really have no idea what Emri's future holds in regards to her mobility, we have designed the house to be mostly wheelchair accessible...which will make my current life easier as her mother, having to carry her around a lot! We already have a nice lot in a beautiful, family-friendly neighborhood and look forward to getting to know the people we will be living close to in this next stage in our lives.

Next-I would like to plead for prayer from those prayer warriors who have taken/still take the time to pray for our sweet Emri. In addition to praying for Emri, please keep in mind two very special little friends of Emri's.

Danny...our sweet, handsome little marf-friend overseas is going through some rough stuff right now. One of his retina's dettatched last week and the doctors treating him say that there is nothing they can do to save his vision in that eye. Now Danny did not have very much vision to start out with, but LOVES looking at lights. Now, he only has one eye that can take in light. Danny is also waiting to have a spinal rod put in soon. This is all due to his severe marfan diagnosis, and, as you can imagine, it is all tearing his momma's heart in two. I can't even begin to fathom the emotions Danny's mom is going through right now...seeing her frightened little boy cling to her because his world has changed so drastically. Pray with me that his other eye stays somewhat healthy..., and that he can achieve better vision in that eye in order to function practiaclly in every day life. Also that spine surgery is successful and safe.

Cassie, one of Emri's sweet marf-friends that she had the opportunity of meeting this summer, is undergoing two big surgeries on her heart and back (same surgery as Emri) in the coming months. These are, of course, major surgeries and we are praying that she comes through them with no complications and has a quick and successful recovery. These kids are just so brave and I pray that God BLESSES them and their families greatly.

Regarding appointments for Emri...Smri had an eye appointment this last month. Her vision has gotten slightly worse (-22 in R and L eye)...not unexpected...but still dissapointing. We have an appointment at Children's this week to get a second opinion on what perscription she needs. Apparently marfan's kids' eyes don't always dialate well-so it is hard to get an appropriate refraction reading. This is why we are getting a second opinion. We had a post-op appointment with our orthopedic doc in Seattle and he was happy with how Emri looked. Our next big appointment day (besides eyes) is April 26...when we have Emri's next echo and lung appointments.

I just got home today from attending a Ray VanderLaan Seminar held last night and all day today. It was SUCH an amazing experience...I learned so many new things that I would LOVE to be able to share with everyone I know...I have accepted that the Bible is ABSOLUTE TRUTH now for a long time...but listening to the things Ray shared this weekend just deepened my understanding of the TRUTH and gave me the kick in the pants I needed to wake up and remember what is really important in life...sharing the LIGHT of God's word to those who remain in the darkness. PRAISE GOD for his GRACE in saving those who call on HIS name....and HIS name only.

Until next time,
Erin and the rest.

Our Little Christmas Miracle...

Just so excited to share this story of God revealing himself not only to us, but also to the staff here at Hopkins and hopefully to some of you that read this blog. 

There has been mass confusion taking place regarding whether or not Emri did, in fact, have a pneumothorax...or if it was actually just a hyperinflated top lung lobe. The doctors came in to explain to us that because there was so much uncertainty, and because the location of the puzzling pocket was hard to see in an x-ray, they wanted to do a CT scan. Now I know many of you have gone through CT scans...and I know that they now tend to be much safer than they used to be...but it was none the less making me uncomfortable. Emri is so small, and has been under the x-ray machine more times than I can count in the past 2.5 years. I really don't enjoy the idea of exposing her to the amount of radiation it takes to take a picture by CT (several hundred x-rays at once). Because of my uneasiness with getting a CT, they sent the senior radiologist down to Emri's room to talk with us. I thought he would relay some of my fears, but really, he just confirmed that, yes, even though they have gotten better over the years, it is still "last resort" when the choice is made to order a CT. They do not enjoy exposing small kids to that much radiation and know that in Emri's case, she does tend to get more x-rays and scans than the average person in the first place-and will continue to need many more of them in the future. He did make the point, however, that  the risks of taking a guess with her lung condition outweighed the risks associated with the radiation exposure in a CT. After he left, I asked the doctors on the floor if they would feel comfortable just letting us pray for a bit, getting one last x-ray, and then if the x-ray showed the same ambiguity, resorting to a CT. The doctors repeatedly voiced their doubt and skepticism that taking another x-ray would show anything more than the last one they took not but a few hours ago---but they felt comfortable with giving us a few minutes and one last x-ray. They kept saying that while they "knew" a CT would be necessary, they would get this x-ray for our own peace of minds as Emri's parents. Brett and I stepped outside to pray with Brett's mom, dad and baby Abe and then continued on to Emri's room to pray with her. We finished as the x-ray technician showed up to the room.

My thoughts while the x-ray took place were, "God, use this as an opportunity to show yourself here, in this place, to these people. Make yourself known here." 

20 minutes later, the same floor doctors came in and let us know that the senior radiologist was very happy with the pictures we captured by x-ray and that he was able to mark the outline of both lungs. There was, in fact, no pnuemothorax---just fluid surrounding the lining of the lung... Thank you God. We are now fully confident that we need to be treating for a lung collapse and can stop all pneumothorax treatment. 

I know this may seem small...but I am feeling overwhelmed with thankfulness and can't help but stand in awe of our Savior's powerful presence here. If you have been praying in earnest for our little girl's health...please stop to thank God wholeheartedly for his amazing work here, in PICU room 14 at Johns Hopkins on Christmas Eve.

We would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! Brett put our thoughts on Christmas perfectly in the following words...

"Remembering at this time of year, how our Father in Heaven loved us SO much, that he sent his Son Jesus to become a baby, human flesh, and endure the torturous wrath of mankind that we may have everlasting life, praising him forever in Heaven someday! Merry Christmas and may we all dwell on the incredible sacrifice that Christ has made for us, and in return, offer our lives as living sacrifices to his work and the Gospel!"

Here are the facebook statuses of the last few days for those following the blog-sorry I have been slightly neglectful of the blog!

Friday, 8AM---"Finally got to hold my sweet girl last night for about 45 minutes. It went better than the first time Brett held her, but she was also on stronger pain meds. I sang some of her favorite songs to her, which she loved---her eyes were closed, but when I got done with one song she would strain them open to make sure I was going to sing another one:)"

Friday, 2PM---"Today was only slightly discouraging. Emri's lung x-ray this morning showed her left lung looking slightly better than yesterday, but the lower lobe of her right lung has now collapsed as well. She is on an even higher flow of oxygen now and we are trying to move her around a little more in hopes that the lungs will open back up. Her stomach is still very distended-just hard as a rock. Her nurse/doctor team here is trying to figure out how to solve this. We got a visit from Dietz today which was wonderful. He was pleased with how she looked-but a little concerned with the stomach issues. We are still chugging along---but it's hard to see our sweet girl so very, very uncomfortable and desperate to feel better. It's next to impossible to explain to a 2 year old why they are needing to go through so much pain. Praying for quick healing for my little hero-and that we may see her sweet smile light up the room again soon."

Friday, 5PM---"We are getting another chest x-ray soon. Emri's breathing has sped up and her O2 levels are slightly down. The doc is saying that if a higher O2 flow doesn't work, and if she won't tolerate a mask, we are going to have to talk about a ventilator. Please pray that this doesn't have to happen. I would really just love her lungs to inflate...right now."

Saturday, 12PM---"Emri just got finished with some chest PT-they used a pneumatic tamper to beat the left side of her chest in hopes to help open up that lung...and she LOVED it. She cried every time they stopped the machine. She is also on high flow (20) O2 and has been all night. The chest x-ray this morning showed no change in lung status. She is currently getting blood because her hemoglobin was super low and they are hoping it helps her get stronger. We are going to try to move her around a lot today in order to get her to breathe deeper for those lungs. We need her x-rays to start looking better so there won't be a need to put her on the ventilator. Thanks for all the prayers and please keep them rolling..."

Saturday, 6PM---"In shock right now---we just got a package in the mail from a 4th grade class of Sydney, a girl who is also affected by severe marfan syndrome. In the package were 17 of the sweetest cards from the kids and an Ipad...an Ipad. What a gift! Can't tell you how completely spoiled we feel right now! Emri is going to have so much fun playing games on it and talking to her Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles and cousins on it's camera!!! THANK YOU! Slightly speechless- and that doesn't happen very often. "

Sunday, 3PM---"This morning was encouraging...but then about 3 hours ago things went downhill once again. Emri's lung x-ray this morning looked great-the left lung looked just about normal again and the right lung was completely clear. The x-ray this afternoon, however showed a pnuemothorax on the left lung. I have always been under the impression that a pnuemothorax meant collapsed lung-but it is actually an air pocket outside of the lung that can oftentimes cause a collapsed lung because of the added pressure to the outside of the lung. Emri now has to have a mask on with full oxygen for the next 6 hours until we x-ray the chest again. I have no idea how oxygen helps this situation...but they tell me it somehow does. Emri seems frustrated and discouraged---she doesn't seem like a 2 year old, she seems like a 12 year old---like she understands everything the doctors say and know this is another major setback. I feel for my sweetheart and just desire some relief for her, even if it means one more line being taken out, or a break from having something on her face. She is terrified every time a new person comes in the room-she just knows it means more pain and discomfort. Right now, all she wants is to hold our hands and watch Berenstein Bears, so that is what we will be doing for the next 6 hours. Please pray with us for some relief for our sweet girl.

Here she is with her brand new mask, watching her favorite family of bears."

Sunday, 9PM---"So...God is hearing the prayers across the nation...over the seas! We just took this picture of our sweetheart. Don't know if it is a short little break she is getting form her pain and discomfort...but it's a break none the less! She is singing songs, smiling and giggling with daddy for the first time since before surgery! We are waiting on x-ray results, but I can't imagine with how she's acting that they aren't going to look any better! Thank you, thank you, thank you for keeping our precious girl in your prayers! I can't tell you what a relief it is to see that big beautiful smile! I will keep posting updates...I am hoping we are turning the corner!!"

Monday, 1PM---"It's been a one step forward two steps back type of morning. We just had the floor doctors come on rounds and tell us that they are not so sure if Emri does in fact have a pneumothorax. It could still be a pneumothorax, but it could also be hyperinflation of the upper left lobe. These two problematic situations are treated differently and treating a hyperinflated lung aggressively can cause a pnemothorax to worsen...which can be dangerous and require a chest tube for immediate treatment. Since they can't tell what it is on x-ray they are thinking about a CT scan. I am not a huge fan of exposing Emri to more radiation, so I did ask if there was another way around this and the docs will be talking to radiation to see if there is something we can try other than a CT... I am feeling frustrated and emotionally drained---especially after last nights excitement-I really thought this morning would show better results. Please help us pray through this situation. Emri is once again, very frustrated with everything going on.
The picture below just makes me want to cry. Dr. Dietz came to wish us a Merry Christmas today with a giant basket of fruit, chocolate and stuffed animals. When the doctors came in to talk to us, he left and I saw him in the background checking out Emri's chest x-rays on a computer in the nurses station. He is just a wonderful, wonderful man-and I can't express how much it means to us that he truly, truly cares about Emri and desires the absolute best care for her. Just in case it wasn't enough that he discovered her life saving medication, he had to bring us a fruit basket too."

Here are today's facebook updates. 

1AM---"Emri's body is trying to understand what just happened! She is pretty uncomfortable and just can't find a good position. She is still drifting in and out of sleep and every time she wakes up she seems to get kinda freaked out with how different her body feels. The whole middle section of her body is a completely different shape which we are thankful for-but we know it will be a difficult adjustment for Emri. God has blessed us with an incredible, tough little girl."

10AM---"Tried to let Brett hold her this morning-because she wanted it so bad-but it was too painful yet. Poor girl just wants to be cuddled---hopefully soon. She is doing well-remained stable all night! Got a visit from Sponseller already this morning and he is very happy with how she looks and how her stats are holding up. Continuing to thank our Lord for blessing us with a successful surgery!"

12PM---"Emri's respiratory and heart rate have been running high and she is still oxygen dependent. They did a chest x-ray and found that her left lung is partially collapsed. We are starting respiratory therapy now and were told this would lengthen her stay in the PICU."

2PM---"While the respiratory therapist was attempting to get Emri's mask on, Emri pushed it away and said, "I need a break.""

So as you can see, we had a little setback today with the partial lung collapse. Emri has been on high flow oxygen the whole second half of the day and they plan on taking a repeat x-ray some time tonight to see if it has helped that lung re-inflate. We are in the PICU until her lungs are back to normal and until her stomach is less distended. Emri seems to be experiencing minimal pain thanks to her continual morphine and tylenol drip along with regular doses of Valium. This surgery comes with the understandable reputation of being very painful and I am glad Emri's pain is being managed tolerably for her. Due to the fun mix of meds we have been hearing a variety slurry, nonsensical sentences come from Emri's mouth. She wakes up a few minutes at a time to catch a little Berenstein  Bears or Veggie Tales and usually wants a hand to hold and an apple juice soaked sponge to suck on. I am praying that God makes this painful time for Emri as short as possible and allows us to perhaps even enjoy a minimally painful Christmas together as a family. 

We are so thankful to have Brett's parents here to care for Baby Abe. I have no idea how we could be doing this without them. It is so nice for Brett and I to be able to be here together focusing our energy on Emri and her recovery. Once again, I can't express my thankfulness to have our sweet girl with us and surgery day behind us. Thank you to all who have been praying for our sweet girl and Brett and I. We feel so blessed to have so much support. Seeing how many people follow Emri and her progress on facebook just astounds me and allows me to feel the love of so many of you that can't be here in person. We feel so supported by family and friends and even a few people I hardly know! Emri is one special little girl---God has given us such a gift in her. Updates will continue.

So I wanted to update the blog by posting the facebook statuses of today for those of you who read the blog but are not on facebook. So here they are starting from early this morning to the very latest one written a few minutes ago.

8AM---"Brett and I both got to bring Emri back into the surgery room and be with her until she fell asleep. The most emotionally stressful moment of my life yet. Jesus take care of my sweet girl."

11AM---"Breathing a tiny sigh of relief-they called the front desk to say they were still working on her but it was going well! I just want that girl back in my arms! Thank you Lord for keeping Emri safe so far."

12PM---"Closing her up-waiting for Sponseller to come talk to us. She will be moved to the PICU in the next 45 minutes."

1PM---"Can't help but smile right now. Emri was just moved to the PICU-a nurse came out to get her binky because she is requesting it along with her mommy and daddy. Apparently she keeps telling the nurses, "NO new back, NO new back!" She has her wits about her already! THANK YOU GOD FOR KEEPING EMRI IN YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS ALL!!!! I am SO full of thanks right now...can't wait to go see my sweetheart! I will update more when we are more settled."

6PM---"We are settled in the PICU with Emri. She has been drifting in and out of sleep-and on a lot of pain meds. She wants to be held and drink water and can't really do either of these things at the moment which is causing a little frustration on her part. Surgery went well, besides a few dips in her blood pressure which was treatable with medication and fluids. We are PRAISING GOD that she is remaining stable in recovery so far and that her pain is being managed well. I can't tell you the flood of relief I am feeling just seeing her heart beating and chest rising and falling! Holding her little hand has never felt so good."

This was our day in a nutshell. It was long, it was draining, but is turning out to be so wonderful. We realize we are not homefree yet-and know that these first 48 hours are always the most vital...but we feel God holding us close and we know prayer is surrounding our little sweetheart. Please continue to help us pray Emri right through these first few days and the rest of her recovery. God has been truly blessing us.